


Itsy Titsy Spider

by RavenGrey



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Humor, Little shit Dean, Sam gets drunk and serenades a police officer, drunk!Sam, general silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-19
Updated: 2013-05-19
Packaged: 2017-12-12 08:45:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/809625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenGrey/pseuds/RavenGrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout,” Sam gives his hips a swivel, taking a forward step in another attempt at a straight line “down came the rain and washed the spider out.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Itsy Titsy Spider

**Author's Note:**

> I was up entirely too late and this happened. I'm not sorry.

 

            The officer that Sam is singing to looks perfectly miserable. Actually, he looks more terrified than anything, Sam has a good two feet on him, and he looks like he’s seriously considering making a run for it. Dean is in hysterics in the driver’s seat, almost in tears, while he does his best to choke down the laughter. He isn’t having much luck and instead of stopping it, his laughter is instead punctuated by snorts and gruff choking sounds.

            His phone in one hand, the other clutching his aching stomach, Dean records his brother doing an impromptu shimmy while he sings the itsy bitsy spider song. Sammy alternates between trying to walk in a straight line like he’d been asked and booping his nose thoughtfully, eyes crossed and locked on his finger.

            Officer Johnson looks like he wants to laugh and cry all at once when Sam turns dramatically on his heel, arms out by his sides and belts out at the top of his lungs.  

           “ _The itsy_ ,” Sam pauses; staggering back to sprawl against the Impala while he tries to remember what comes next.

             “Titsy.” Dean offers, tone serious despite the fact that he can barely breathe from how hard he’s laughing.

           “Sir, please do not encourage him.” Officer Johnson asks, more like pleads really, keeping a wary eye on the giant who is currently caressing the Impala’s hood and bouncing on his heels and another on the idiot who can no longer draw breath because of how hard he’s laughing. They aren’t _technically_ doing anything wrong and Johnson is at a loss.

           Sam gives him a beaming smile, like Deans solved some great riddle for him and keeps on singing. “ _The itsy titsy spider climbed up the_ \- hey” Sam’s expression crumples with betrayal and he levels an accusing fingers Dean’s way “You lying son of a bitch,” Sam utters lowly, staggering away from the Impala like it’s burned him “you’re a stinky rotten liar, you- you,” Sam flounders with his words, trying to think up one that’s nasty enough.

            “ _Dingus_.” Sam whispers triumphantly, sauntering back to where the officer had originally told him to stand. Dean barks out a laugh and lets his head thump against the steering wheel. From where he’s sitting he can still smell the reek of Jack on him and Dean idly wonders how much he’d had while wiping his watering eyes.

           Sam straightens his shirt snippily and brushes his hair neatly behind his ears, clearing his throat grandly before he starts back in on the itsy bitsy spider. “Sir, please just-” Sam interrupts him with a tender “Shhhh. Shut up.” Officer Johnson gives long suffering sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

           “ _The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout,”_ Sam gives his hips a swivel, taking a forward step in another attempt at a straight line “ _down came the rain and washed the spider out._ ”

            Sam stops moving suddenly, almost over balancing, his previously wide open, happy expression crumpling. “It came down the water spout.” Eyes downcast and full of tears as the realization crashes over him, he says in a broken whisper “ _The spider is our dad_.”

            The tears make a break for it and rush down Dean’s cheek, his shoulders convulsing with laughter “Fucking christ.” Dean bites out, sinking his teeth into the skin of his wrist to try to keep the worst of the laughter in. “Oh fuck Sammy, you are so going to regret this come mornin’.”

            Sam ignores him, his drunken mind spiraling into sudden sadness “ _Out came the sun and dried up all the rain and the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again.”_ The last few words are sung raggedly and Sam’s breath catches softly. Finished writing up “Harold Helen Jr.” he hands Dean the ticket and, with a wary look at Sam, who’s staring brokenly at the ground, gets the hell out of there.

            Sam gives his hands an almost betrayed look and says in the same broken tone “We’re the spider Dean” Dean gives a snort and crumples the ticket, lobbing it into the backseat while getting out of the Impala “I though dad was the spider.” Dean remarks offhandedly, making sure the officer is good and gone before he gets out.

 Sam gives him a superior look and says loftily, like Dean’s missed something important, “We’re _all_ spiders, Dean,” Dean manhandles Sammy back into the passenger’s seat. In a far more devastated tone he adds “we’re the fucking spider.”

            “You are so goddamn drunk.” Dean says, fond and amused all in one. “’Mm not, you are.” Sam counters petulantly. “Love, I only wish I was half as drunk as you, you gonna tell me why we’re the spiders?”

Sam wriggles in his seat, trying to find a comfortable position before giving up with a begrieved sigh “We get up again and again and again and every fucking time we just, we just get knocked right back down and.” Sam’s head lolls in Dean’s direction “Why do we even bother Dean?” Sam asks, words slurred almost beyond comprehension. Nothing comes after that and it takes Dean a while to reply to a question that should have been easy enough to answer.

            “’Cause it’s the right thing to do, Sammy, you drunk bastard.” He tells his brother’s sleeping body, pulling off the road long enough to send Bobby the video and catch his breath. By morning time he’s sent the video to everyone of Sammy’s old friends and posted it on Youtube. 


End file.
